Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I could fuck to npr.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
