I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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