Where are you?
In a non slutty way
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
