I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
