Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
