Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
