I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
