:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
