Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she told me i tasted like america
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
