At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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