ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
