I wish my penis had an off switch
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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