Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
