I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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