she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I love having hate sex.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Bring me that man meat
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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