That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
