how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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