i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
