Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
