I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
