i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
