So drunk its hurt
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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