he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
