four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
