is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
