If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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