So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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