the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
