Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
