Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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