aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
