I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
