Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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