Will you blow on my dice?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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