Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
