At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
