So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
