so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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