I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm sobbing to NWA
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
