i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
