I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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