I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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