farters have to be the big spoon...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
