is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
