Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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