I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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