Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
