Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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