all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
