I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
